Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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