I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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