so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
