it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
