he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
