its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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