I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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