Plan B is the new Plan A
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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