we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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