If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
