drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
