is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
