i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We had to coat check the pizza.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
