Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
