508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
