The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
