Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize