Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
