I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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