What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
