Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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