11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
