Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know her cup size but not her name....
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