He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
