is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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