Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
