Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
