its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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