You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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