yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
