Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He better not be in your backpack
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
