white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
