it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
