he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
