my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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