Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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