just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
