dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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