WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
