remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
