I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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