you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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