cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
