I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
