Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
