I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
