I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
