You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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