take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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