I swear she didn't look like that last week.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
