my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
