I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
