I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
