He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
