wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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