i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
