Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
