I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
