your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
40s are totally the cure
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
