Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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