I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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