She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
