Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
