Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize