actually, I'm a sock model
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The best revenge is premature balding
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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