genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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