what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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