there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
