I just made out with a guy for $7.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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