if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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