I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
