It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize