does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
