My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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