Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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